Table of Contents (with links)
Section 1: The Days of Preparation
This section addresses the reader’s singleness in preparation for a match. The Scriptures present Christ and the church as a model for Christian relationships, and each topic ends with special applications for the Internet.
Chapter 1: A Season of Singleness
Most Christians will be single for only a short period of their adult lives. Using this time to seek the Lord will make them better Christians and, through a natural process, much better marital candidates. Understanding the relationship between Christ and the church fully prepares them for both.
Is marriage right for you? Recent books have clouded the issue. This chapter looks to Jesus in His relationship with the church to explore the question from a heavenly point of view.
The reader is delicately asked, “What has been keeping you single?” Whatever the reason, it may also mean that your communication skills are rusty – which may be your true handicap today. This chapter offers Biblical advice for introductions, small talk and other forms of building rapport.
As the time of Christ and the church draws near, the enemy will do his best to hinder us. The same effects will appear as a microcosm in Christian relationships. This chapter shows us how to recognize his challenges and overcome them by looking to Jesus Himself.
Even if we think we desire marriage, an underlying fear of commitment may be holding us back. Jesus faced the same problem in His bride, the church. This chapter offers Biblical insight and counsel for overcoming this fear.
Has God chosen one, particular person whom we are to marry? When we believe this, we allow other hopeful relationships to pass us by. This chapter addresses the question from a Biblical perspective and explores God’s heart in the matter.
Some Christians have remained single for many years because they are waiting for ‘God’s best’ to come. But how Biblical is this concept, and how realistic? This chapter offers heartfelt advice and liberating truths.
Section 2: Recognizing an Excellent Match
This section shows the reader what God Himself is seeking in an excellent match for them. By understanding His criteria, we can cooperate with His intentions. Each topic ends with special applications for conducting our search on the Internet.
Chapter 8: God’s Criteria for an Excellent Match
What is God’s criterion for bringing couples together? This chapter explores His emphasis on compatible ideologies, similar interests and skills, and the need for a balance between strengths and weaknesses. It coaches the readers in evaluating themselves to see what a good match for them would be like.
Is beauty a blessing or a curse? How much of a role should beauty play in your search? A frank discussion on the pitfalls and the matters of the heart involved. Based on the example of Jesus, this chapter emphasizes the role of friendship to anchor romantic feelings.
God has a special place in His heart for widows, especially if they have young children, so the transition to a new relationship has special implications. This chapter explores God’s heart to obtain His favor, and make the relationship happy and fair for all.
This chapter begins with a frank discussion of marriage as a covenant, and divorce as a breaking of that covenant. Using the Scriptures, it explores the implications of divorce and remarriage in four separate scenarios, each related to divorce on the grounds of adultery.
This chapter completes the study on divorce and remarriage by examining six additional scenarios of divorce, taking place on grounds other than adultery. Scriptures are used to address each scenario.
Unwed mothers have a special challenge in matchmaking. This chapter uses a true story as a microcosm to offer both short and long-term advice, with a redemptive message and a special focus on Christ-like character.
Momma told you not to go out with anyone unless they were someone you would marry. This chapter urges foresight over ‘nonnegotiable’ issues, and discusses the role of preferences and ‘grey’ areas between our principles, intentions and realities. It includes a discussion on the advantages and disadvantages of long-distance relationships.
Section 3: Seek and Ye Shall Find
This section shows the reader how to navigate the Internet matchmaking forums for optimal results.
A matchmaking adventure on the Internet could change your life. Take along a friend for moral support and advice! Also discusses encounters with insincere persons whom meet you along the way.
The key to Internet matchmaking is a personal profile, a scripted autobiography that helps describe each member to the others, and usually includes photos. This chapter discusses multiple choice and essay questions, and the initial flurry of interest new members will receive. Assuming that everyone has been honest, profiles can offer a glimpse of the romantic master plan.
How does one find a match at a meeting service? This chapter includes advice for making proper introductions plus tips for writing e-mails that bring a response. Internet relationships can become very strong very quickly, which can lead to an overreaction if improperly handled. Based on the example of Jesus, this chapter helps the reader keep their new relationships in balance.
The Internet offers an opportunity for a new start in life, unless the readers bring old baggage with them. This chapter discusses past issues involving sin and the need for discretion in sharing this information with others. Advocates blind forgiveness where possible, based on the attitude of Christ toward the church.
Through the Internet, couples can grow very close; but the first time they actually speak on the phone may surprise them. Their voices were not as anticipated, so disorientation follows. Something similar may occur when they meet in person. Discusses this phenomenon and offers advice to compensate for its effects.
It has been said that ‘First impressions go a long way’ but in reality they give place to hindsight quickly — and hindsight brings the impressions that will last. This chapter offers advice for planning the first date so it can stand the test of time, based on the example of Jesus when His courtship with the church began.
After the initial meeting is over, it’s time to evaluate the relationship’s potential. The man is expected to call the woman promptly. Discusses what he should do if there is doubt, mutual acceptance, or some form of rejection. This chapter draws from the heart of Jesus in protecting the feelings of His church.
Section 4: A Glimpse Beyond
The authors applied the principles of this book in their own courtship and marriage, offering a natural illustration of these principles at work. This is our testimony, for those who will follow.
This chapter discusses early, unsuccessful meetings through the Internet, including precautionary tips. It talks about establishing a ‘routine’ for the periodic searching of profiles and offers a model for initial contact via e-mail. As such, it exemplifies the matchmaking criteria of Chapter 8.
The first date requires adequate foresight and preparation, as in Chapter 20. It also brings the challenge of ‘Shifting Perceptions’ from Chapter 19. This chapter discusses the human, emotional side of that first meeting, some of its challenges and thrills, and the bumps along the way.
Once the first date is over, a natural period of wonder will follow: Is there still an interest, or not? Pros and cons must be considered—and sometimes, pure chance can play a role. A prompt response is expected. It ends with a demonstration of the heart of Jesus in protecting the feelings of His bride.
After the first meeting and the follow-up communication, it’s time for a second meeting. This will be much more serious than the first. It’s a time for openness and honesty as a little more of each heart is revealed. Emotional vulnerability and the need for kindness and respect are shown.
The second meeting is a time for laying a foundation, requiring flexibility in many ways. But it is also a time for convictions to be honestly shared. This may lead to adjustments or even rejection. Another round of post-meeting evaluations will decide.
This chapter discusses what to do if you are rejected, based on the example of Christ and the church. Rejection may be short-lived until serious issues are resolved, or it may be an emotional reaction rather than a final decision. Keep your options open and don’t burn your bridges. Trust the Lord—He is in this, too.
If your match was good and it gained God’s favor, then its strengths will start to win out. Reconciliation may be coming. This chapter discusses a renewed rapport and the implications of long-distance relationships as they become more serious, plus relocation if you do not already live in the same city.
This is the story of our proposal and engagement, with pointers on what to do and what not to do. Plan the evening well, make it into a memory and turn the memory into a gift. Engagement announcements to family and friends should follow.
From engagement to wedding is a busy time, with many important decisions to make. After the wedding comes a marriage, which must remain in focus as expenditures are considered. This chapter advocates learning from older couples with successful marriages rather than the theoretical approach of premarital counseling.
This chapter recounts our own wedding ceremony, with vows based on Christ and the church. These vows were written by Pastor Fred Brothers of Father’s House Church in Tulsa, Oklahoma, and are reprinted by permission.
For relationships to grow, members must behave in a straightforward manner, earn and offer trust, and watch for red flags. This chapter discusses the precautions of Internet dating and presents sound advice for making your Internet adventure as Godly and safe as possible.